It’s her wedding

It’s her wedding

Saturday, August 13th, 2011

“Remember use things and not people; love people and not things”…great advice I had received not too long ago.

This holds especially true for weddings…the people in your life should be a huge part of this very special day, not to be used, but to be loved.  Moms do not use your daughter’s wedding as your own, this is her day, a celebration of her new life.  As a mom I too could have fallen into the very same trap, I am thankful that I have learned this, before I did this to my own daughters.  So from one mom to another here are some tips:

During the planning process, be your daughters biggest fan!!!  She wants you to embrace her choices, even if they aren’t what you would pick…cheer her on and love her for her style and what makes her unique, after all you played a huge part in making her who she is today.

Know the difference between making a suggestion or forcing your ideas on her….this is not your wedding, by all means you should participate but you should never use such force that you cause tears of pain or frustration for her.  I am a firm believer that the only tears you should see at a wedding are tears of joy.

Have big shoulders, thick skin and a good supply of Kleenex.  We all know weddings can be stressful, and when emotions are high we run to the safest person in our lives, the one we know that no matter what we throw at them they will never leave us, and that person is mom…so be prepared for the melt down and then be ready to pick up the pieces and laugh afterwards…because after all this is a celebration and it should be fun.

Be ready to give advice…when asked.  While you may want a specific florist or cake decorator that you have seen in action, remember they may not meet the style that your daughter has in mind.  It is ok to let her make the decision with who she feels comfortable with, if you are prepared to not force your ideas on her, your daughter will probably come to you more freely with other choices seeking your advice, in turn you will both enjoy the planning process a lot more.

Money…it may be that you are footing the bill for the wedding or at least parts of it, but before you offer, make sure that you have prepared a budget, and be firm with the amount you are willing to spend.  If you and your daughter know ahead of time what the parameters are before you start planning, then when your daughter falls in love with a dress that is out of the budget you agreed upon, you will both know that if she really wants it, she will have to pay the difference.  This will save a lot of heartache in the planning process. And please don’t ever say “ I am paying for it, so it will be what I want”….remember it is not your wedding.

And the big one, on the big day….just be MOM.  My daughters just enlightened me to this great bit of wisdom, as my oldest is fast approaching the big day, we of have
started to talk of wedding plans when she looked at me and said…you cannot do anything on my wedding day but just be my mom. That touched me and brought into prospective that the biggest gift I can give is to just be there for her…with no agenda.  My advice on this is to hire a wedding coordinator for that day, a little bit of an investment yes, but both of you will be able to just enjoy the day, after all that is what it is all about.

There are very few events in life that can either tear you and your daughter apart or grow you closer than a wedding.  Look for every opportunity to make a memory through the wedding journey, love, care, and respect each other and the wishes each of you have.  Imagine the possibilities when you join together and let love create your big day.

Remember…Kind words do not cost much, yet they accomplish much.  So be kind to each other and choose your words wisely.


Written by Sonja Duffy, Owner of Off the Wall Event Design and the DIY flower shop.

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